Trillium Book Awards Author Reading 2015

The Day The Earth Died and Ma and Pa Bookstores Rose!

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The Day The Earth Died and Ma and Pa Bookstores Rose!

When a bunch of crackpots at Yonge / Dundas, astronomers, some authors (Dan Brown) and other Holy Men and women have been opining the same thing – that 2012 will be the year that hell freezes over (or when ebooks completely replace hard copy tomes), it might be a time to reflect — and to genuflect to us bloggers or to some Higher Authority. It just might be that 2012 is when the Leafs will win the Stanley Cup, when us humanoids become full-fledged androids (“I am tweeple, hear me roar!”). You know the rest. Not to get all Prophet of Doom-sey, but maybe it’s time to mark the date December 21, 2012 in your calendar, or do what I’m doing and release your next book months before then. If your plans are to prep for an early 2013 release, it may have a catastrophic end result, literally. Hello? You might not be here to carry out the book-signing! And I’m thinking that while Atwood has figured out many ways for us to conduct book signings while not being present, I highly doubt she’s figured out a way for us to Long Pen our way out of 2012. Like, y’know, sign books digitally from six feet under. Posthumous book signings!

Here is my list of things to look out for before the earth collides with Nibiru, or the black hole, or whatever was Written.

The Book of Monotony, Vol. 1 – This is the year that the Canadian publishing world will really tap into the cash cow that is Neil Pasricha and his Book of Awesome series (a holiday edition, say what?). Look out for the The Book of (Cash Register) Awesome, the 12th volume in what feels like a never-ending series, where Pasricha provides a playbook on how to make bank cranking out volume after volume of Awesome (yet repetitive) Things !

City-Wide TTC Writers Workshops – With wait times reportedly increasing, and reduced service on some routes a distinct possibility, this will leave us scribes who are forced to schlep it out daily on the Red Rocket with a lot more time to craft blogs, generate new book concepts (The Book of Tediousness!), tweet (though TTC needs to get Wi-Fi happening), copy edit and just generally stir stuff up. Glass half-full?

The Book of Twits – Someone will enlist Ashton Kutcher to edit an anthology of some of the most egregious and misguided tweets of 2011 beginning with a chapter that culls together of some of his own most outrageous and provocative tweets of the year. Oh yeah, and Jerry Sandusky is creepy. Say no to child sexual exploitation and abuse!

Worldstarhiphop – Some bored suburbanite will upload a clip — to my fave website Worldstarhiphop – of two authors engaging in a ‘hood-styled beat down at a TINARS event in May. It will be concerning a discrepancy over which authorly informant leaked confidential info to the landlord of one of the last late Bookstores of Awesome, Pages Book and Magazine’s on Queen. St. West. Yeah, yeah, the old property address is worth a fortune, but isn’t neighborhoodism important too? We salute you, Pages impresario Marc Glassman, for your timely “beyond bricks and mortar” approach, but Queen St. West just ain’t the same. It hasn’t been the same since who knows how long.

Who’s The Greatest Rapper Alive (Not Named Jay-Z, or Kanye West)? – After devouring books by some of my fave emcee’s, Common (“One Day It’ll All Make Sense”) and Jay-Z (“Decoded”) this year, a number of months before The End of Time, I will help answer this question in book form, with a little (lot) help from my co-conspirators at ECW Press!

The Launch of the UAC – Ultimate Authors Championship, a sister organization to UFC, will enlist some of the city of Toronto’s greatest poets to go neck-and-neck at The Art Bar, to see who’s abstract poetic verbiage can alienate the most number of patrons, and drive us to the bar…The Art Bar! UAC President Dana Black will tweet, just days before Dec. 21st, 2012, “OMFG, you don’t understand the stanza with onomatopoeia happening all over da place ?? Sorry. U just might get your teeth knocked out for that !”. The event will be broadcast in a pay-per-view format (naturally), and the winning poet will get the prize money disbursed at the same frequency as one receives royalty checks. Yeah, the earth will be a hockey rink by then…

And a Happy 2012 to all of you…

Dalton Higgins aka Daltpak Chopra aka Usain Dalt aka Dalton 6000

Dalton Higgins is a music programmer, pop culture critic, author, broadcaster and national magazine award-winning journalist. He is Canada’s foremost expert on hip hop culture. In addition to writing numerous articles for Canadian and US print and on-line magazines, he is the author of Hip Hop World (Groundwood Books/House of Anansi) and co-author of Hip Hop (Thomson Nelson) and Much Master T: A VJ’s Journey (ECW Press). As a broadcaster, Dalton has hosted his own TV show and has appeared as a pundit on every major Canadian network. You can visit Dalton at his blog. His most recent book is Fatherhood 4.0: iDad Applications Across Cultures (Insomniac Press).

The views expressed in the magazine are those held by the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Open Book

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